10 Ideas I Recently Shared With Clients
"There are five ideas on this list I'd love you to share with our team."
That's the feedback I heard from a client who asked me to develop a workshop for her team, a team that's in the middle of a big transition involving a lot of rapid change. The list she's referring to is from a a newsletter I wrote last year, 10 Ideas I Recently Shared with Clients.
Her comment inspired me to focus this month's newsletter on ten new ideas I've recently shared with clients. These are the gems that generate the "Hold on, Ben. Say that one more time. I need to write that one down!" reaction. I hope they do the same for you, too!
1. Action is the antidote to despondence.
Recently, a long time client, Caroline Mauldin Dhane, shared the story of our initial meeting. In that first jam session Caroline described experiencing despair as "a heavy cloak weighing down her bones." I reminded Caroline she didn't need to solve all the world's problems; she just needed to take a step towards them. Embracing action as the antidote to despondence helped Caroline make a positive shift in that moment, it has helped dozens of clients since, and it continues to help me, too.
2. Less news, less social media, more positive people.
An election, multiple geo political hotspots, natural disasters and more — we are living in a time of simultaneous overwhelming events magnified by a nonstop information stream. I hear from clients and friends how this information stream routinely spikes their anxiety. That's when I remind them to consume less news, limit their time on social media and increase their interactions with positive people. (Big thanks to my longtime therapist and coach Joni Lavick for this one!)
3. What’s one thing you can do to take care of yourself RIGHT NOW?
A client recently reached out while in the middle of a meltdown. A document he had been painstakingly working on disappeared. We've all had that moment: the presentation changes didn't save, the deadline for an important submission passed, we forgot about that important call we promised to return, and more. All of those moments generate that full body panic where the two million year old part of our brain takes over and presents us with three very limited options: freeze, flee, or fight. In that moment I worked with my client to identify ONE action that could help him feel better — and help the new part of his big, beautiful brain come back online.
4. What's the FROM ➡ TO shift?
This is one of my favorite questions to use in 1:1 coaching and with leadership teams because we are all involved in a FROM → TO shift, whether it's a personal shift, business shift, or both. The challenge is we don't often pause to ask ourselves what the shift is and clarify it for ourselves and others. The FROM → TO shift provides focus for you and a rallying cry for those around you, helping you take people on the journey with you.
5. Is it a fact — or a story?
A client just started a new job. At three weeks the “external weather” — i.e. how she’s stepping into the role, the team she's a part of, etc. — is clear and beautiful. But the “internal weather” in her head is turning negative, with her Insane Thought Generator (ITG) suggesting she might not actually be able to pull this one off. We all have an ITG, that part of us that deals in the manufacture and delivery of unhelpful stories. These stories are often repetitive and never based in fact. Pausing, pulling up, and asking if you're attached to a story allows you to make the shift from the story to the facts. The facts for my client? She has a successful track record of ramping up quickly to make an impact, and that track record is continuing in her new role.
6. What do you need from me?
I recently ended a workshop with a group of new leaders by asking each leader to ask each of their colleagues "What do you need from me?" This basic question is so powerful yet so often overlooked because of our ego, which has had a lifetime of employment. Our ego draws its power from protecting, defending, and making us separate and apart from. Asking this question softens that defensive stance and helps us move faster together.
7. Your boss gets to say no.
The moment I saw my client on Zoom I knew he had a tough morning. His boss had just stopped a project he'd invested considerable energy into. And it was one of those big, transformative projects that would have been a lot of fun to work on. My client was dejected. I reminded him that we all work for someone, and they get to say no. The fastest way over the no? Focus on key learnings from the time invested and the work product you can reuse later.
8. All feelings belong.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought or said, "I shouldn't feel like this," I'd be fabulously wealthy. And I bet you would, too. We are our toughest critics, and our Insane Thought Generator (noted above) loves to tell us that we shouldn't feel a certain way. I recently added a new mantra to my morning practice. The mantra "all feelings belong" — especially the ones I don't want to experience — helps me shift from judging the feeling to observing it.
9. What will help you and your team put a giant exclamation point on 2024?
I'm asking this question in every client meeting because there's really only a handful of initiatives that are essential to complete by year-end. Identify those 3-5 'big rocks' now and you'll stay on track for the year — and enter 2025 with incredible momentum.
10. “Whatever is going on in your life right now, this too shall pass."
One of my go-to sources for spiritual inspiration is the Center for Action and Contemplation. One of the Center's teachers, Dr. Barbara Holmes, died earlier this month. I've noted -- and shared -- Dr. B's wisdom for years, including the timeless reminder that this too shall pass. “Whatever is going on in your life right now, this too shall pass. Where do you find your joy? If you don’t know how to dance, don’t worry. Your soul knows the steps. Wherever life finds you, don’t forget to dance and sing with the God who dances like the whirlwind with you.”